


If He Had One More Chance

by fangirlingovermishacollins



Series: Season 13 Codas [19]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archangel Dean Winchester, Coda, Dead Lucifer (Supernatural), M/M, Post-Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, Post-Season/Series Finale, Season Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 10:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14692709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingovermishacollins/pseuds/fangirlingovermishacollins
Summary: With Dean no longer in control of his own body, Cas has no way to tell him that he loves him.





	If He Had One More Chance

Cas had watched the whole thing. He saw the exact moment Michael had left his old vessel behind, and for once, he understood how Dean had felt when he had realized Cas had given himself up to Lucifer almost two years ago.

It was a strange feeling. Cas wasn't meant to feel things, so maybe it was just him. But still, he felt like it would be strange even as a human. He was hurt, conflicted, and betrayed. The fact that Dean hadn't returned to the bunker yet only added to that feeling. Surely Michael would have flown Dean, Sam, and Jack right back when the fight was over, right?

Mary did her best to help comfort him. "Hey," she said, walking up behind him. The look on her face was the kind of look only a mother could give someone-- it was just so caring, knowing, and sympathetic. "Dean's smart. He'll kick Michael out, Cas." But Cas had his doubts still. 

"Thank you, Mary, but I'm well aware that he's currently possessed by an archangel. I let Lucifer inside of my own body once. Even with my powers," Cas admitted, sighing and sitting down, "I couldn't fight an archangel."

"Well, if you know my son at all, you know he'll be okay in the end." Mary smiled reassuringly. She went off to go talk with Bobby, leaving Cas all alone. 

Cas had lost track of time. He was beyond worried at this point, and Mary could only offer half-hearted smiles as comfort, like she knew something was up. Bobby had even started looking at him with concern. Eventually, Cas didn't even pay attention to the two of them and excused himself without looking at anyone. He wasn't even sure where he was going when his phone finally went off. "Hello?" he said right away, not even looking at the caller ID before answering.

"Hey, Cas. Look, we've got a problem." Sam sounded dead serious, and as if to prepare himself Cas sat down in the nearest chair. "You remember the deal Dean made with-"

"Michael? Yes, of course. Is something wrong?" He sat upright, instantly alert and focused on nothing but the phone call.

"Well, good news and bad news, I guess. Uh, Dean killed Lucifer. Me and Jack are okay too, so uh, yeah." Sam paused. "But Michael didn't keep his end of the deal, Cas. He took over and left." Cas felt more hurt than anything now, with a hint of anger and hatred directed towards Michael. 

"Where is he?" Cas sounded dangerous, he knew it, and Sam was even caught off-guard. "Dean should have listened to me. I knew it was a bad idea, Sam. I told him no but he refused to listen."

"Here's the thing, Cas. He just left. Nobody knows, and I have no idea how we'll figure it out." Cas could tell Sam was shrugging over the phone.

"I'll call you later, Sam. I need some time to myself." Cas ended the call before Sam had a chance to argue. He was angry at Michael for not honoring the deal. Mad at Dean for being stupid enough to even offer himself up in the first place. Mad at himself for not fighing Dean on the issue the way he should have.

This time, when he took off walking the halls of the bunker, he knew exactly where he was headed. Dean's room was neat in a messy way that only the hunter could pull off, decorated with little things like pictures, guns and knives. John's journal was probably somewhere in the room too. The bed was only slightly messy. Looking at all of it hurt him. Michael would use Dean's body and leave him lifeless. The archangel may as well be the same as the now-dead Lucifer. 

And Lucifer had gotten what he deserved. Michael would too. 

When Cas laid down on the bed, it smelled like Dean: gunpowder, beer, cheap fast food, and whatever cologne he used all the time. Even though he didn't require sleep, Cas found it all too easy to shut his eyes right there. He was falling asleep and was out in mere seconds.

-

Cas woke up not wanting to leave the room. He didn't want to forget all these things he'd noticed in the hunter's room, little things that were easy to look over. Like the little nicks on the wall that only could have come from knives. The various mixtapes in a cardboard box, one of which ended up being the mixtape he'd given to Cas as a gift. He took it out of the box and slipped it into his pocket, never wanting to lose it. "Why, Dean?" he called out to nobody, more upset than anything. "You should have expelled him."

Isn't that what Dean had told him? When he, Sam, Rowena and Crowley had gotten Lucifer trapped when he was inside Cas's vessel? "You have to-" Dean had said, but Lucifer had cut him off with a laugh and a "He has to what?"

He wished he'd listened. Right now, Cas missed Dean more than anything. He missed just being near him, he missed his green eyes. He missed the way Dean seemed to make him smile. "I love him," Cas said to himself, not really surprised but still shocked to hear himself say it. 

He took out his phone, finally remembering to call Sam. His finger hovered over Dean's contact before tapping on Sam's. "Hello, Sam," he said when Sam picked up.

"You okay? You didn't call back for a while," Sam sounded really worried about him.

"I was just sleeping. I don't necessarily require it, but I enjoy it at times." Cas didn't say where he'd fallen asleep. "I was also very worried about your brother."

"Yeah, so are we, you know? Jack feels terrible, I mean, he brought Lucifer back to the bunker in the first place." Sam sighed. "That drew Michael's attention and everything."

"I forgive him, Sam. Jack had no idea this would happen. Nobody truly did. It's all because of Michael." Cas sighed into the phone. "I miss Dean. I understand how he felt when I was being possessed by Lucifer."

"Yeah, I guess you do now, huh?" Sam really had nothing else to say. For a few minutes, they sat in silence. "Hey, Jack and I are at this motel. If you want to talk in person, you're welcome to come over, you know?"

"I appreciate the offer, Sam. You can text me the address and I may stop by." Sam agreed and ended the call so that he could send the text. 

Cas looked around the room. He saw Dean in every little thing he looked at, from weapons to old beer bottles. It almost hurt to look, but Cas didn't try to leave the hunter's room. A piece of paper caught his eye, poking out of a drawer.

It was a drawing. A drawing of wings, shaded in with black pencil. While it wasn't perfect, Cas still loved it, knowing it was probably from that time he'd seen Cas's wings when they first met. After all, how many angel's wings had he seen?

-

Cas didn't go to see Sam and Jack at first. He'd stared at the drawing and when he couldn't anymore, had folded it up and put it in his pocket along with the mixtape. He could still hear Dean saying, "It's a gift. You keep those," when he'd attempted to return the first mixtape. It hurt to think about.

Making his way back to the library, Cas couldn't keep his hand out of the pocket. Mary looked up as he walked in, her eyes still full of worry and concern. "Are you okay?" she asked, getting up and walking towards him.

"I assume Sam told you already?" Cas asked, hesitant. If anyone was going to tell Mary, he would prefer that it wasn't him. 

She looked down with a sigh, then looked back up at Cas. "I heard enough," she admitted. 

"I was simply trying to process it all. I suppose I should have known Michael would want to stay." Cas was careful in choosing his words, although if Mary was anything like her sons, she would see right through him.

"But Michael hasn't seen what Dean's capable of, now has he?" Mary attempted a comforting smile and tentatively put a hand on Cas's shoulder. She looked down at his hand, then met Cas's eyes with a questioning look. 

"I ended up in his room. He had some things I believed I should have." Removing his hand from the pocket, Cas showed Mary the things he'd taken. She was gentle with them, just like he had been. 

She smiled a little while she looked at the drawing. "Dean was a good artist growing up, I bet. He must have gotten it from John." She turned to Cas. "You've seen his journal, right?"

"Yes. Your husband drew very well." He looked at Mary. "I got the idea that Dean made this after he saw my own wings. I showed them to him when we met for the first time."

Mary smiled but said nothing. Dean's body being taken over by Michael had seemingly affected everyone. Cas sighed, focusing on something out of the corner of his eye.

"Do you think your son loves me?" Cas asked her, and he could tell it was a bit of a shock to her.

"I've only known him for so long." Mary stood close to him. "But I could tell he felt something. The way he looked at you, well-" Mary paused a bit, thinking. "I honestly think he did."

Cas sighed. "I love him." It was quiet, but Mary heard him. She nodded in understanding, and gave him the kind of knowing look that Cas only thought a mother could give someone. 

He knew what she was going to say before she said it because of that look. "I know," she said. "It was so obvious to everyone but Dean."

"I know I should have told him. I had so many chances to do it, yet I was afraid. Now he may never know." The thought upset him. "I'll tell him as soon as I can." The last part came put so much quieter than the rest, like he was making a promise to himself.

He would look right into Dean's eyes, and tell him everything he had ever felt for him as soon as Michael left his body. 

Taking one last look at the paper, which was wrinkled from him taking it out and looking at it so much, he went to go find Sam and Jack. They would need to be comforted too, probably.


End file.
